For most people, breaking up with someone is a very traumatic experience. Most of the time, it leaves both parties feeling sad about the situation. The thing is that nobody teaches you how to break up and most people have probably never even seen a manual on how to break up.
But is it possible for people to break up humanely, that is to do it with compassion? Or, at least for the person who’s being let go to still be able to hold up his or her head in public? “I don’t know if there’s something called ‘breaking up etiquette,’ but I do know that timing can make a whole lot of difference in when a break up is executed,” said Dan Collins, a 30-year-old carpenter.
Many people get nasty during a break-up, threatening the lives of their former significant other or actually following through with their threats. “After years of dealing with my husband’s cheating, I told him that I was leaving him. That’s when all hell broke loose. He beat me so badly that I had to be hospitalised,” said Margo Stone, a 29-year-old secretary.
It seems like a monster is unleashed when some people break up. They become someone else, forgetting all of the love they once shared with that person. Some become rude and unapologetic about the way they carry out the bad news. Others, stop speaking to their former lovers. Is all of this animosity always necessary? Many people believe that it is possible to humanely break up with someone. After all, you both once shared a relationship. What happened to that friendship at least?
“My ex-boyfriend of three years took me on a vacation to Disney World, then told me during the vacation that he had met someone else and no longer wanted to date me. I felt totally humiliated,” said Peggy Johnson.
At one point or another, the average person will experience some sort of emotional pain deriving from a failed relationship. So, given that this is something that happens everyday and will continue to happen, shouldn’t it be done properly? The next question is whether or not this can be accomplished. So here are a few tips on letting someone down easy.
Do it in person. If you’ve been dating for at least six months, it would be a good idea to let the person know, face to face about your change of heart. The only time to avoid this would be if you suspect that your life may be in danger if you take this route.
Avoid breaking up around holidays or other special times. This can cause a great deal of stress for the person. Again, timing is very important. Nobody wants to remember that they were dumped around Christmas time. It’s really poor breaking up etiquette.
Don’t send mix signals. It is not a good idea to leave the break up to interpretation. Statements like “I have to clear my head,” or “I’m having some issues right now,” just don’t cut it. The person will probably be left confused. What are you really saying? Speak up.
Don’t accept an expensive gift first and then break up shortly after. It’s painful for a person to spend a month’s salary on you only to be dumped a week later. Again, timing is everything. You know when things are not working out. Don’t add insult to injury.
Avoid sleeping with the person. This is the ultimate no no. This is the same as sending mix signals. If you want out, don’t keep going over for sex every time you get lonely. That’s being a user and it says a lot about you and how you see yourself.
And there you have it, some of the ground rules for breaking up without leaving the person feeling ashamed for a long time to come, or worst, suicidal.